I’m surprised I’m lasting this long with out trying to talk to you. There have been two days earlier this week that I didn’t think of you once.. I like it because I know its over so why should I try to hold onto feelings that you don’t want me to have. Its in the middle of the night that I miss you the most. Its when I have time to think. 

I can’t change the paths I’ve taken in my past, but I can point myself in the right direction for my future. 

I still get flushed when I see your picture, hear your name, glance at a status on stupid facebook or even think of what you’re doing with your life. I don’t know how long its going to be like this.. I really don’t like it at all. I just want to stop caring. 

I’m learning in psychology that venting like this is equivalent to vocalizing your emotions. I know how much you hated it, but its working. Its working more for me than anything else I’ve tried. ..Well this and listening to La Dispute. 

The lyrics in almost every song in “Somewhere at the bottom of the river between vega and altair” make me want to throw myself against the ground and punch myself.

“you were stitching up the seams on every broken promise that your body couldn’t keep”

no words can take back the pain I caused you and I hate living with that guilt.

whether or not you still have that pain, I still can’t take that horrendous, disgusting, tar-resined, glutinous guilt off my heart.

I need to hear and see you tell me these things you have said in texts.

Only my fear can set me free